MACGYVER VS ROE VS WADE Fade in
Ext. STREET corner location Thailand
MacGyver walking down street carrying hockey bag and hockey stick. Voice over "Finally some r&r with a little hockey in my favorite little quiet city, Bangkok, Thailand. This reminds of my uncle Olaf's RV park he owned" Off screen voices of man and woman arguing.
Man: "No money no procedure for you."
Door slams, a woman sobs. MacGyver walks down alley
MacGyver: "Something wrong miss?" Woman: "Doctor no do procedure for me."
Macgyver: "what kind of procedure?" Woman points to stomach
Woman: "Need growing seed removed." MacGyver: "I think I have a few things in my hockey bag that might help you out." Mac starts going through his bag Voice over: "This reminds of a problem old man McGinty had with one of his daughters. Let's just say he enjoyed a little too much Baltic tea and had the habit for looking towards one of his six daughters to satisfy his carnal desires." MacGyver pulls out a Calgary flames jersey, a road flare, vinegar, baking soda, a magnet, and a hangar. Woman: "Mister..... What is all that stuff for?" MacGyver: "Well I haven't performed a back alley abortion since my summers at old man McGinty's ranch but I think I can make do with what I have here I think. Oh and the name is MacGyver." (Smiles) Woman: "I guess I have no choice I have to be at tennis shoe factory in next two hours to work. Let's do this MacGyver." MacGyver: "I'd ask what your name is but there's a 90% chance you'll bleed out so why get attached. Now let me see if I have everything....ah! (goes over to garbage bags) Just need something for a numbing agent." (picks up scorpion by stabbing it with his Swiss Army knife and rubbing the stinger on the hangar) Woman: "I'm ready when you are, MacGyver." MacGyver: I haven't been called that since 'Nam. Woman: "You look like man who burned my village and killed water buffalo by exploding it with rice alcohol and magnifying glass." MacGyver: "Yep, that was me." Woman lays down on Calgary flames jersey. MacGyver: "Just need to make a smoke screen so we don't get disturbed" ( mixes vinegar and baking soda together creates a smoke screen) Voice over: "I remember old man McGinty sobbing uncontrollably in his stable as I began working on his daughter. It still haunts me to this day." MacGyver sets down a bloody hanger on the side. MacGyver: "Now for the magnet to do the trick hopefully I was able to magnetize the fetus with the hangar there we go. got the little sucker. Now to stop the bleeding." (sets off road flare) Woman: "Even though you burn down my village, and force me into terrible life of prostitution, you have my deepest thanks, MacGyver." (She then falls into a coma.) MacGyver then picks up his hockey stick and shoots aborted fetus into Dumpster with a wicked slapshot.
MacGyver: "Looks like I've got to build a make-shift life support device from coconuts and wicker baskets..."
(MacGyver picks the woman up and takes her back to his hotel room.)
I hope you enjoyed this week's Untold Opening Gambit!
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