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| Alan Smithee III |
I will be using this blog to post some of my scripts in hopes it will spark an online movement similar to that of the Kony movement to get MacGyver put back on the air. I hope you enjoy my script for the episode I call Daedalus and Son. This is for you Dad, see you at the crossroads.
Best Regards
Alan Smithee III
MacGyver: Daedalus and Son
Location Key West in a bar MacGyver is sitting holding a letter.
Voice over: Ernest Hemingway once won a writing contest that required its participants to write the saddest yet shortest story. He submitted one line "baby shoes for sale never been worn" The thought of being a father frightened me and today I'm going to meet my son for the first time.
Woman enters bar with a 10 year old boy.
Boy is wearing a flannel with an Edmonton Oilers hat.
MacGvyer: Linda, hi and you must be Icarus.
Icacrus: Nobody calls me that. Most people call me Ike.
Icarus(looks at mom): What do I call him?
Linda: You can call him..(MacGyver interrupts)
MacGvyer: You can call me Dad or my friends call MacGvyer.
Icarus: Well we're not friends and Dad sounds weird because I never had a Dad. Can I call you something else?
MacGvyer: Angus. You can call me Angus.
Icarus: That's a stupid name but I guess that will have to do.
Linda: I'm sorry MacGvyer, he is a little angry. I told Icarus that his dad died in a oil rig explosion when he was one. He found our letters and he just so smart like you. He figured out that you were his father and asked to meet you.
MacGvyer: Don't apologize, I'm here now. Say sport, I rented a fishing boat. How would you like to go fishing with me?
Icarus: Fishing with a guy who I've never met before sounds like a real blast. Why not? You have ten years to make up for, which can all be wiped out with a single fishing trip.
MacGvyer (gets on his knee): Look... I'm trying here buddy. Just go on this one fishing trip with me. That's all I'm asking. You'll never have to see me again I promise.
Icarus: Fine. Only if you promise.
Exterior boat dock
MacGyver is loading up boat
Linda and Icarus walking towards him
MacGyver: Don't worry Linda, I'll have him back in a few hours.
Linda: I'm not worried about him I'm worried about you MacGyver. Are you sure you can handle him?
MacGyver: Linda, in my spare time I was a Big Brother to an inner city kid. So I'm pretty good with kids.
Icarus: Let me get this straight you mentored some kid who was a total stranger meanwhile you had a kid that you brought into this world that you wanted nothing do with?
MacGvyer: Ike your mom and I came to an agreement that it would be best if I stayed out of your life. After Vietnam, I was a mess. I'm better now, pal. I've been working for the government again. I just want a second chance here.
Icarus: A lot of Dads didn't abandon their children after the war. What did you do in the war? Bomb disposal? It's not like you were in the darkness of the jungle battling NVA.
MacGvyer grabs Ike's arm
MacGvyer: Listen you weren't there picking parts of your buddies out of your glorious hockey hair! Just keep your mouth shut about stuff you don't know about, boy!
Linda: MacGvyer stop he's just pushing your buttons. He's smart just like you.
MacGvyer: Sorry guy. lets get going and catch some marlin.
Icarus: Only thing you'll catch is cancer from agent orange, Rambo.
MacGyver: Good one son.... I mean Ike. (nervous smile)
Close up on the name of Mac's boat, "The Land's End II"
MacGvyer and Ike are fishing
MacGvyer: Having fun fella?
Icarus: One of Moms boyfriends takes me fishing all the time. He has a bigger boat.
MacGvyer: She have a lot boyfriends, sport?
Icarus: What's a lot? Like 10? Ten years you've waited to meet me so I think that's a lot. She has a boyfriend for every year you've been traveling around being a "Big Brother" to other kids.
MacGvyer: Oh...hey I almost forgot I have a present for you.
Mac pulls a package out and hands it to Ike. It's a Swiss Army knife with Icarus engraved on the side.
Icarus: Cool, thanks. Yeah, that's a safe gift to give a ten year old. What else you got for me a gun?
MacGvyer: I don't like guns.
Off in the distance they see a reflection.
MacGvyer: Looks someone might be in trouble, Sport. We should check it out.
Icarus: But this is so much fun.
MacGvyer: Put your fishing pole away.
MacGyver steers the boat toward the reflection.
As they approach they see a group of boats in a circle. Then a Cessna flys low over them and a package falls out. The crewmen on the boats are carrying AK47s and uzis.
MacGyver: Looks like we just stumbled upon drug smugglers son.
Icarus: We are going to get out of here and call the Coast Guard right?
MacGvyer: No, I have a better idea.
Icarus: What?!
One of the boats spots them and starts heading toward them. Icarus goes below deck.
MacGvyer: Hello there, I'm MacGyver. You guys enjoying this fine boating weather?
The crew members open fire on MacGvyer. MacGvyer grabs a snorkel and mask then jumps off the boat. Crew boards the boat. They take Icarus captive.
MacGvyer is swimming, avoiding detection from the other boats.
Crew Member 1: He must be dead.
Crew Member 2: What do we do with the kid?
Crew Member 1: We will wait till morning. El Jeffe will know what do to. Come, we have more drops to recover.
Night has fallen. MacGyver is treading water, following the boats in silence.
Voice over: I needed to find out what boat my son was on then figure out a way to stop these drug runners. I'll just pick the boat that has the most noise coming from it seems they are pretty distracted.
MacGyver climbs over side of boat. Ike is tied up on the floor.
Crewmen are partying, drinking, and snorting cocaine from their pinky nails. Some are dancing to Pat Benatar's "Love is a battlefield".
MacGyver: Hey, son, are you okay?
Icarus: ya I'm fine.... I thought you were dead. Way to abandon me twice, Dad..
MacGyver: I won't do it again, I promise. Now did you see anything that we can use as a distraction?
Icarus: I don't know all they have are these guns and giant reflective mirrors for signaling the drug planes. Also, a ton of this white powder. One of Mom's boyfriends is always rubbing it on his gums and yelling, "DAMN!"
Woman enters bar with a 10 year old boy.
Boy is wearing a flannel with an Edmonton Oilers hat.
MacGvyer: Linda, hi and you must be Icarus.
Icacrus: Nobody calls me that. Most people call me Ike.
Icarus(looks at mom): What do I call him?
Linda: You can call him..(MacGyver interrupts)
MacGvyer: You can call me Dad or my friends call MacGvyer.
Icarus: Well we're not friends and Dad sounds weird because I never had a Dad. Can I call you something else?
MacGvyer: Angus. You can call me Angus.
Icarus: That's a stupid name but I guess that will have to do.
Linda: I'm sorry MacGvyer, he is a little angry. I told Icarus that his dad died in a oil rig explosion when he was one. He found our letters and he just so smart like you. He figured out that you were his father and asked to meet you.
MacGvyer: Don't apologize, I'm here now. Say sport, I rented a fishing boat. How would you like to go fishing with me?
Icarus: Fishing with a guy who I've never met before sounds like a real blast. Why not? You have ten years to make up for, which can all be wiped out with a single fishing trip.
MacGvyer (gets on his knee): Look... I'm trying here buddy. Just go on this one fishing trip with me. That's all I'm asking. You'll never have to see me again I promise.
Icarus: Fine. Only if you promise.
Exterior boat dock
MacGyver is loading up boat
Linda and Icarus walking towards him
MacGyver: Don't worry Linda, I'll have him back in a few hours.
Linda: I'm not worried about him I'm worried about you MacGyver. Are you sure you can handle him?
MacGyver: Linda, in my spare time I was a Big Brother to an inner city kid. So I'm pretty good with kids.
Icarus: Let me get this straight you mentored some kid who was a total stranger meanwhile you had a kid that you brought into this world that you wanted nothing do with?
MacGvyer: Ike your mom and I came to an agreement that it would be best if I stayed out of your life. After Vietnam, I was a mess. I'm better now, pal. I've been working for the government again. I just want a second chance here.
Icarus: A lot of Dads didn't abandon their children after the war. What did you do in the war? Bomb disposal? It's not like you were in the darkness of the jungle battling NVA.
MacGvyer grabs Ike's arm
MacGvyer: Listen you weren't there picking parts of your buddies out of your glorious hockey hair! Just keep your mouth shut about stuff you don't know about, boy!
Linda: MacGvyer stop he's just pushing your buttons. He's smart just like you.
MacGvyer: Sorry guy. lets get going and catch some marlin.
Icarus: Only thing you'll catch is cancer from agent orange, Rambo.
MacGyver: Good one son.... I mean Ike. (nervous smile)
Close up on the name of Mac's boat, "The Land's End II"
MacGvyer and Ike are fishing
MacGvyer: Having fun fella?
Icarus: One of Moms boyfriends takes me fishing all the time. He has a bigger boat.
MacGvyer: She have a lot boyfriends, sport?
Icarus: What's a lot? Like 10? Ten years you've waited to meet me so I think that's a lot. She has a boyfriend for every year you've been traveling around being a "Big Brother" to other kids.
MacGvyer: Oh...hey I almost forgot I have a present for you.
Mac pulls a package out and hands it to Ike. It's a Swiss Army knife with Icarus engraved on the side.
Icarus: Cool, thanks. Yeah, that's a safe gift to give a ten year old. What else you got for me a gun?
MacGvyer: I don't like guns.
Off in the distance they see a reflection.
MacGvyer: Looks someone might be in trouble, Sport. We should check it out.
Icarus: But this is so much fun.
MacGvyer: Put your fishing pole away.
MacGyver steers the boat toward the reflection.
As they approach they see a group of boats in a circle. Then a Cessna flys low over them and a package falls out. The crewmen on the boats are carrying AK47s and uzis.
MacGyver: Looks like we just stumbled upon drug smugglers son.
Icarus: We are going to get out of here and call the Coast Guard right?
MacGvyer: No, I have a better idea.
Icarus: What?!
One of the boats spots them and starts heading toward them. Icarus goes below deck.
MacGvyer: Hello there, I'm MacGyver. You guys enjoying this fine boating weather?
The crew members open fire on MacGvyer. MacGvyer grabs a snorkel and mask then jumps off the boat. Crew boards the boat. They take Icarus captive.
MacGvyer is swimming, avoiding detection from the other boats.
Crew Member 1: He must be dead.
Crew Member 2: What do we do with the kid?
Crew Member 1: We will wait till morning. El Jeffe will know what do to. Come, we have more drops to recover.
Night has fallen. MacGyver is treading water, following the boats in silence.
Voice over: I needed to find out what boat my son was on then figure out a way to stop these drug runners. I'll just pick the boat that has the most noise coming from it seems they are pretty distracted.
MacGyver climbs over side of boat. Ike is tied up on the floor.
Crewmen are partying, drinking, and snorting cocaine from their pinky nails. Some are dancing to Pat Benatar's "Love is a battlefield".
MacGyver: Hey, son, are you okay?
Icarus: ya I'm fine.... I thought you were dead. Way to abandon me twice, Dad..
MacGyver: I won't do it again, I promise. Now did you see anything that we can use as a distraction?
Icarus: I don't know all they have are these guns and giant reflective mirrors for signaling the drug planes. Also, a ton of this white powder. One of Mom's boyfriends is always rubbing it on his gums and yelling, "DAMN!"
MacGyver: Shh! I have an idea. I'm going to need you to stay here tied up.
Icarus: What? Why? Let's just get out of here now. You literally just said you'd never abandon me again!
MacGvyer: Shhhhh! Ever hear of Archimedes?
Icarus: Was Archimedes the guy from Ancient Greece, that legend has it built a death ray out of mirrors?
No never heard of him.
MacGvyer : You are so my son.
Mac rubs Ikes head, and puts a life jacket on him. He ties up Ike then sneaks onto each of the six boats, stealing the mirrors and duffel bags filled with cocaine from each. Then he finally swims back to his boat which the bad guys have towed with them, to put his plan into motion.
Voice over:
Old Archimedes had the idea that if he put a bunch mirrors at a particular angle to the sun it would create a "death ray." Scholars never proved that he built the death ray but I have a hunch that Archimedes didn't have his mirrors coated in 100% pure Colombian cocaine. Hopefully this will act as an accelerant and turn my mirrors into a death ray. Now just to figure how to position these at the proper the angel. (Holds up a sexton)
The sun comes up, with MacGvyer is on his boat rigging up six large mirrors tied together with fishing line.
Once the sun hits the mirror, the "death ray" obliterates the boats. After the smoke clears, Icarus is floating on the water among the wreckage.
Icarus: Dad, that was awesome! How did you figure it out so i wouldn't get killed?
MacGvyer: You're my son...a survivor. You survived the abortion I made your mother get I knew you would survive this.
Icarus: I love you Dad...... MacGvyer.
MacGvyer: Does that mean you see me as your father and a friend?
Icarus: Yes (gives thumbs up)
Coast Guard chopper comes flying in.
They airlift MacGyver and Icarus out of the water.
Shot of The helicopter blades spinning then cuts to a ceiling fan spinning. The camera pans down to a rec room with hospital patients sitting around. On the wall it says Hines VA psych ward. Two orderlies come walking In. One is showing a new employee around
Orderly 1: Now this is the rec room most of them sit around they don't do too much.
One patient is sitting in a wheel chair wearing a flannel shirt and Calgary flames hat. It's MacGvyer but looks like he has been lobotomized.
Orderly 2 :What's his deal with him (points at MacGvyer)
Orderly 1: Oh that's Angus Chumwaski he's been here since 74. A classic case of shell shock. He hasn't spoken in years. He just sits there looks out the window.
Orderly 2: What's he holding? Is that a Swiss Army knife and a paper clip?
Orderly 1: Yeah, that's correct. What ever you do don't try and take them from him. The last orderly that tried to take it from him got the business end of the corkscrew in his throat from that crazy bastards Swiss army knife.
Orderly 2: Got it.
Patient: Mac I want to watch The Guyver (repeats 3 times quickly Mac The Guyver!)
Orderly 1: How many times have I told you Sgt. Phoenix? We can't afford every straight to video movie starring Mark Hamil? We don't have it. I'll put on the hockey game for you guys okay? Nurse McGintty will be giving your sponge bath tonight.
Intertcom: Paging Dr. Olof code blue.
Close up on lobotomized MacGvyer he grins fade to black
Close up on lobotomized MacGvyer he grins fade to black
Fin
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